Try watching the smaller quality version if the one above doesn't play smoothly through:
- GOOD (standard quality, small file size)
This video is quintessential Doug, although it shows a side of him not everyone was lucky enough to see. Notice he is wearing his celebratory Giants Championship sweatshirt I got for him after the 2007 playoffs. Tenzing the Cat spectates in the background. I think this "performance" was associated with my bummage after losing a whole clutch of bluebird eggs (just about to hatch) to a House Wren attack. He was trying to cheer me up. Maybe it will bring you cheer. Crank up the volume.
JUMP TO: What happened (The End) | Blog | Obituaries & Condolences | Services | Videos | Photos | Articles | Organ & Tissue Donation | Sharing & Stories | Giving a Tribute to Doug | Thank You | Hypertension & Benicar | Z Film Festival | Grieving
ABOUT THIS SITE
This website is also about dealing with loss.
For 27 years, Doug was my colleague, friend, true love and finally husband. While running, his heart of gold stopped suddenly, possibly due to a malignant arrhythmia. He was 52 years old. I set up this site in an effort to share Dougness with others who miss him like I do, or were not lucky enough to know him.
Writing here has also helped me process the turning upside down of my world. Perhaps what I have experienced and learned the hard way will help others dealing with a significant loss. Be forewarned that the early grieving parts are pretty raw, as they were written in the midst of devastation.
My life has changed a great deal since I started this blog. I could not have imagined the direction it would take. Fortunately, I was wrong about a lot of things.
I NEVER THOUGHT
~ Author unknown
I never thought I could go on living when you died, but - I did.
I never thought I would survive after burying you, but - I did.
I never thought I'd get through those first days, weeks and months, but - I did.
I never thought I would be able to endure the first anniversary of your death, but - I did.
I never thought tomorrow would be different, but - it was.
I never thought I would stop crying for you, but - I have.
I never thought that I would ever sing again, but - I have.
I never thought the pain would "soften," but - it has.
I never thought I would care if the sun shone again, but - I do.
I never thought I would be able to entertain again, but - I have.
I never thought I would be able to control my grief, but - I can.
I never thought I'd smile again, but - I do.
I never thought I would laugh out loud again, but - I do.
I never thought I would look forward to tomorrow, but - I do.
I never thought I would be able to create that "new normal," but - I have.
I never thought I'd want to go on living after you died, but - I do.
Always missing you,
always loving you,
and thinking of you daily,
with a smile on my face
and tears in my heart.
I was not wrong about the need to give it time, to be patient, and to be kind to myself.
I wish you healing and peace.
NEWER POSTS and ESSAYS: Blog | Why they want you to "get over it/move on/let go" | Near Death Experiences | A good death is denied to most | How to get your happy back | Anger | Sponsoring prizes for the 2013 Memorial Day 10K Race in Woodstock CT | What do with insurance, state or lawsuit settlement proceeds resulting from death
ORGAN and TISSUE DONATION
Doug was a tissue donor. Perhaps those who wish to honor him, and are comfortable doing so, will sign up to be organ and tissue donors. See:
- Blog | Progress, month by month
- Stages of Grief
- What to expect when you are bereaved (10/10/2010)
- Planning the services (wake/calling hours/funeral/memorial service) (10/14/2011)
- Quotes and Poems that have touched me
- What I need. How to help a grieving person - suggested do's and don'ts. (07/16/2010)
- Words of advice for the to be bereaved - things to do and think about BEFORE a loss (09/08/2010)
- Healing Rituals (07/17/2010)
- The dragonfly story, by Doris Stickney (added 06/20/2010)
- My Fears and Worries (06/27/2010)
- Family and Friends cushioning the blow (06/30/2010)
- Changed financial circumstances (07/15/2010)
- Suicide and suicidal thoughts in the midst of grief (07/16/2010)
- Grief & Safety (07/20/2010)
- Interrupting rumination - alternative coping strategies (07/21/2010)
- Regrets and wishes (07/04/2010)
- The things I DON'T regret (07/22/2010)
- "You need to keep busy" (07/24/2010)
- Butterflies as a symbol of hope and new life (07/26/2010)
- Do the departed watch over us? Signs. Legacies. (07/28/2010)
- Living with Guilt and Thoughtworms (07/31/2010)
- Sudden death - what it is like for those left behind (08/11/2010)
- Gift basket ideas (sympathy, condolence, grieving) (08/12/2010)
- Things that trigger tears (08/17/2010)
- Walking Alone (09/04/2010)
- Is it better to have loved and lost, or never to have loved at all? (09/05/2010)
- Redefining Loneliness (09/17/2010)
- Why it is likely that a lifetime of loneliness awaits me. The odds are against being so lucky in love again. (09/26/2010)
- Bereavement Support Groups - pros, cons, bottom line (10/04/2010)
- Planting parsley (10/06/2010)
- Sleepless nights (10/17/2010)
- The Nest of the Loneliness Birds
- Change in Martial Status (10/22/2010)
- The Nest of the Loneliness Birds
- Changes - Physical, Social, Mental and Emotional (11/05/2010)
- Attending a gathering for donor families (05/17/2011)
- Dealing with the ashes (05/18/2011)
- What I am grateful for (06/08/2011)
- Surviving the first year (06/18/2011)
- I met someone (07/11/2011)
- Delving into dating after death or divorce (10/05/2011)
- Planning services (funeral, calling hours, memorial service) (10/14/2011)
- What do I do with the wedding rings? (10/25/2011)
- Do I stay or do I go now? What to do about the house (11/15/2011)
- Guilty of surviving and loving again (12/03/2011)
- Denial (12/13/2011)
- Loss and pain in the heart and brain (12/15/2011)
- Things I was mistaken about (12/27/2011)
- The Raisin Widows (01/03/2012)
- The best (and worst) advice I received (01/12/2012)
- Dreams of the dead (02/02/2012)
- What to do with all their "stuff" (02/29/2012)
- I have a photograph (03/11/2012)
- Death is on the top ten stress list
- Selling the family home - why is it so hard (07/01/2012)
- Searching for answers to sudden death (07/04/2012)
- Dealing with a death that was preventable (07/28/2012)
- Going back to work after a loss (07/30/2012)
- A good death is denied to most (09/19/2012)
- Why they want you to get over it (10/01/2012)
- Thank you notes (10/14/2012)
- How to get your happy back (10/15/2012)
- Anger (12/24/2012)
- What do with insurance, state or lawsuit settlement proceeds resulting from death (01/2015)
Obituary, Eulogies & Condolences
SHARING & STORIES
GIVING A TRIBUTE TO DOUG
- Special thanks to the non-profits, organizations and businesses who provided invaluable support to us:
- Aetna Ambulance Service, Inc., of Hartford CT and the heroes who attempted to revive him. Read more.
- Hartford Hospital Emergency Room Staff and Social Services of Hartford CT.
- Special thanks to Dr. Michael Drescher, Associate Chief, Division of Emergency Medicine for information, kindness and patience, and to
- Kelly Pabilionia of Social Services
- Doug’s last act was giving the gift of sight and healing through tissue donation.
- Gilman & Valade Funeral and Cremation Service in Putnam CT. They helped us through one of the most difficult times in our life.
- Road ID: The metal ID on Doug's running shoes made it possible for the Emergency Room staff to contact me and Doug's parents immediately. Read more.
- The Hill Church of Woodstock CT for hosting Doug's memorial service, especially Pastor Jamie Harrison and "the church ladies."
- Cuisine Duva of Columbia, CT- Paul and Diane Duva for catering at the service and being wonderful friends
- WebVideoZone for hosting the videos I am so grateful to have.
SUDDEN DEATH, HYPERTENSION & BENICAR