CRAGMAN HOME

Try watching the smaller quality version if the one above doesn't play smoothly through:

  • GOOD (standard quality, small file size)

This video is quintessential Doug, although it shows a side of him not everyone was lucky enough to see. Notice he is wearing his celebratory Giants Championship sweatshirt I got for him after the 2007 playoffs. Tenzing the Cat spectates in the background. I think this "performance" was associated with my bummage after losing a whole clutch of bluebird eggs (just about to hatch) to a House Wren attack. He was trying to cheer me up. Maybe it will bring you cheer. Crank up the volume.
- Bet Z.

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JUMP TO: What happened (The End) | Blog | Obituaries & Condolences | Services | Videos | Photos | Articles | Organ & Tissue Donation | Sharing & Stories | Giving a Tribute to Doug | Thank You | Hypertension & Benicar | Z Film Festival | Grieving

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ABOUT THIS SITE

This website is also about dealing with loss.

For 27 years, Doug was my colleague, friend, true love and finally husband. While running, his heart of gold stopped suddenly, possibly due to a malignant arrhythmia. He was 52 years old. I set up this site in an effort to share Dougness with others who miss him like I do, or were not lucky enough to know him.

Writing here has also helped me process the turning upside down of my world. Perhaps what I have experienced and learned the hard way will help others dealing with a significant loss. Be forewarned that the early grieving parts are pretty raw, as they were written in the midst of devastation.

My life has changed a great deal since I started this blog. I could not have imagined the direction it would take. Fortunately, I was wrong about a lot of things.

I NEVER THOUGHT
~ Author unknown

I never thought I could go on living when you died, but - I did.
I never thought I would survive after burying you, but - I did.
I never thought I'd get through those first days, weeks and months, but - I did.
I never thought I would be able to endure the first anniversary of your death, but - I did.
...
I never thought tomorrow would be different, but - it was.
I never thought I would stop crying for you, but - I have.
I never thought that I would ever sing again, but - I have.
I never thought the pain would "soften," but - it has.
I never thought I would care if the sun shone again, but - I do.
I never thought I would be able to entertain again, but - I have.
I never thought I would be able to control my grief, but - I can.
...
I never thought I'd smile again, but - I do.
I never thought I would laugh out loud again, but - I do.
I never thought I would look forward to tomorrow, but - I do.
...
I never thought I would be able to create that "new normal," but - I have.
I never thought I'd want to go on living after you died, but - I do.
Always missing you,
always loving you,
and thinking of you daily,
with a smile on my face
and tears in my heart.

I was not wrong about the need to give it time, to be patient, and to be kind to myself.

I wish you healing and peace.

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New NEWER POSTS and ESSAYS: Blog | Why they want you to "get over it/move on/let go" | Near Death Experiences | A good death is denied to most | How to get your happy back | Anger | Sponsoring prizes for the 2013 Memorial Day 10K Race in Woodstock CT | What do with insurance, state or lawsuit settlement proceeds resulting from death

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BLOG: Posts, and chronological listing of pages for those intrepid souls coming back for more, or who wish to see things in sequence.

ORGAN and TISSUE DONATION

Doug was a tissue donor. Perhaps those who wish to honor him, and are comfortable doing so, will sign up to be organ and tissue donors. See:

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GRIEVING - see complete listing | Site Map

VIDEOS

PHOTOS

ARTICLES

Obituary, Eulogies & Condolences

SHARING & STORIES

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GIVING A TRIBUTE TO DOUG

THANK YOU

SUDDEN DEATH, HYPERTENSION & BENICAR

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